I thought I wanted vulnerability. But from a stranger, vulnerability and softness feels like when you drink iced water on a cold day. It just doesn’t hit as good as when you drink it on a hot day.
I thought I wanted someone to share their deepest thoughts with me. And he did. But I didn’t necessarily care for it.
I feel my heart simultaneously broken and open and yet completely shut down and numb.
Maybe this is the transition phase. And the unlearning moment.
I don’t think I can use logic when it comes to love. When your heart is pulled in a certain direction, you can’t pretend the love doesn’t exist. But why do we love? Does it matter even if the love isn’t good for you? Even if the love doesn’t go anywhere?
I’m in love with the phantom ex, but if he stood right infront of me now, I would still feel more in love with his ghost, than the human version of him.
I’m in love….with the ghosts in my past that carry remnants of me in them. My body is still living in the 3rd dimension even though my soul desperately wants to drift and expand.
It’s…unnerving. I’m unnerved.
So I stand in the sun.
I let my feet meet with resistance against the grass.
I stare at the leaves and the plants and marvel at how amazing they are.
I am the weirdo at the co-working space who looks like a ghoul.
Metamorphosis of the mind….in words.