And so I know my current task is the journey back to Love.
What is love? This question would plague my mind.
Love to me as a child was duality. I felt it in the way my Dad would pick me up from school, make my breakfast and put me to bed.
I also felt it in the way my mum would provide for me financially, sending me to classes and activities she never could attend as a child.
But they presented love to me in such different ways that I was confused a lot as a child.
After the divorce, because of the anger I had against D, I painted him as a narcissist in my mind and said “I didn’t love him” but I did.
I loved him with all of my heart. The same way I would show love to a friend, a stranger, a relative. And I wondered – why, how, and huh?
How can love feel all the same to different types of people? Even the ones whose actions hurt us?
I started consuming literature that taught me how to think selfishly and from a point of fear, and I learnt how to build up walls against people.
The journey back to love has been a painful journey of breaking down all these walls brick by brick.
It has been looking towards the people whose actions caused me so much hurt. Looking at my actions that caused people hurt. And looking at all of us and saying, I forgive. I choose to forgive and move on. Because anything other than love is a lie. It’s an illusion that brings us away from love and towards fear.
This separation from Marco has taught me what love really is. And how I am capable of remembering. I have so much love for Marco. It really doesn’t matter anymore. Whether we are together or apart.
We are all of the same source. We are all extensions of love.
We need only remember that.