How feasible is it for me to be good? Really good i mean?

My soul is grieving. My human mind knows it was right for us to part, and yet my soul is missing you.

I’m coping, is probably the most accurate description. I’m jumping around from moment to moment, observing the highs and the lows of how each moment feels.

One moment, I feel anxious because when you ask me “so, you come to amed on the 30th?” and “where are you staying?” and then don’t follow up with “shall we meet?” – i immediately worry you’re only asking because you’ve met someone and don’t wanna bump into me.

One moment, I’m ecstatic that the granola I just ordered comes with colourful fruits and even a spoonful of peanut better – the fruits i expected but the peanut butter is a nice surprise.

I fidget between moments of peace, moments of longing, of anxiety, of fear, and of loneliness.

I rewatched the movie “Everything, everywhere, all at once” for the 4th time.

And that’s how I feel right now. Perhaps not able to transit between the multiple universes. But every cell of my being is all at once feeling stuck in the past, excited about an unknown future, and aware that the present is temporary.

When I feel this way, the easiest thing is to observe my breath. And in this moment, I’m always extremely grateful at least my heart, lungs and all of the other organs I have can be on auto-pilot mode and run on their own.

Focusing on my breath helps. Knowing that my breath can carry at least my physical being, from one moment to another – helps ease my troubled mind.