Over the last year, I’ve gotten many “congratulations” for Marco’s existence in my life.
Many of these people are just happy because I’m happy. But some, when they meet us on the streets or send me DMs, have thanked Marco for taking care of me and said they’re happy I’ve met someone else.
But today, I wanted to talk about the possibility of Marco and I breaking up. Today, I want to share about when we should break up with someone.
(Before you worry, read the whole post and you’ll see what I’m trying to say)
I’ll admit it.
In the first year that we got together, Marco and I almost broke up a few times. It was always me who brought it up because my triggers were on high alert at the time.
I kept questioning myself and asking myself if I was ready. If I had the emotional capacity to be in a committed relationship. Was I healed enough already? Or was I just entering another relationship in order to counter my insecurities?
I didn’t want to make the same mistake that I did, when I entered a full blown marriage.
The question I kept asking myself was, “Am I ready to give my best self to this person so I don’t shortchange them?”
EDIT: I first started this draft April 2022
And it’s Feb 2023 now
M and I have broken up. And it’s so surreal. But at the same time, I feel like this was the push I needed. I’ve been relying on his love as a safety net the last 2 years. And even though i’ve done so much healing, I still feel alot of trauma that I have to heal.
Some of it isn’t even mine – some of it is intergenerational trauma. Trauma from the women in my past.
Meeting M and spending 2 whole amazing years with him was the best safe space I could have had. He treated me with so much love.
But I also know that my trauma wasn’t his responsibility, and it’s unfortunate that I relied so much on him that it started putting a strain on our relationship. There were other reasons that i won’t get into, but this reason I can choose to work on.
My next steps forward is to really heal.
Don’t let loneliness be the reason you want to find a partner. You’ll end up finding someone who’s not the right match for you again.
Don’t you wanna one day just be so full of love it doesn’t even matter if you have a warm body next to you?
I can already feel that strength within me. I’m so much stronger today than I was Feb 2020, when I was in so much pain from the divorce.
The Jane today is so much more confident, she knows her strength now. She’s grown so much empathy for herself, and because of that, she’s also grown more empathy for others. She’s learned how to build boundaries, how to say no, how to be happy alone. She’s traveled the world….for 3 whole years and counting.
You’ve got this bbgirl. I love you.