Day 1 of a break up

5.58am, and I’m stirring awake by the sound of roosters and waves crashing against the shore.

Marco and I have broken up.

The reality of this hasn’t hit me yet. But the heart pain already has.

Rella told me yesterday that because I’ve changed so much in the last year, I was bound to lose certain people. And I have. The closest ones to me.

And now, I have lost the person I thought would choose me forever. I lost the person I thought I could love, forever.

But forever is a lie, isn’t it? Like in a Blackhole.

In the end, we were just a classic example of 2 people who love each other so much, but want different things. I tried so hard to make things work. And he tried so hard too.

It just didn’t work out.

My heart hurts so bad. And at the same time, I know. That this chapter was long meant to close. I felt it before I knew it. Last year when we almost broke up, the pain was so unbearable.

This year, no matter how big the pain is, at least it’s bearable now. I can understand the pain now. And I have grown so much bigger in capacity, that I can endure it. Even though it hurts so bad.

Over the last few months, my body had been preparing me for this. My mind had been learning and growing so much. I now have so much more knowledge of my self than before. And Marco gifted that to me. He gifted me love. And he held me at my worst.

He’s now leaving me at my best. And I’m so grateful to him for it.

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