Beth the therapist is sitting across the room from Jane.
Jane is in an asylum. She was placed there for her own good – or so her family thought.
Usually, Jane shakes side to side, unable to concentrate on Beth’s words. But ever since they started her on CBD treatment, her nerves have calmed, and she has stopped ripping her fingernails out or trying to tear her ears off.
“Are you ready to talk about her?” Beth asks.
“Do you mean, am I ready to re-enter the maze and try to get out of it myself?”
“Tell me what the image of Marianne brings up for you, Jane”
Very calmly, eerily calmly, Jane whispers “Pain”
“Where does it feel painful?” Beth asks. “Point to the body part where it hurts the most”
Slowly but surely, without lifting her steely gaze at Beth, Jane lifts her hand and places her palm on her chest. “Here, in my chest…..and also….” Beth’s gaze follows Jane’s fingers that grip around her own throat. “Here”
“Why do you think she caused you pain?” Beth asks
” Because I thought she actually cared about me. But she didn’t. She only wanted to make sure she had won. She only came to check on me to give herself the assurance that she had put me in a weaker position. ” Jane says.
“Why do you think that?” Beth is carefully asking this question.
“Because I told her the truth about Gideon. I told her how much he had been lying to us about each other. She had trusted me for a second, and then immediately went back to Gideon’s side, believing in his lies again. I knew Gideon would pin it on me again, as he has done so many times before. But I thought she would realize that I was a victim to his narcissism, and that she would realize we are both the same. Instead, she gave me a fake hug and took a knife and stabbed me in the back”
” This maze that you’re entrapped in, where you constantly think of Marianne as the villain in the story. You know you can never get closure on this right? Even marianne herself had rightly pointed out – that we cannot get closure from our perpetrators. Tell me then, Jane. What do you want from staying in the maze of torture?” Beth asks.
” I don’t want to stay in the maze. I just keep getting sucked back into it. Every time I think I have escaped the maze, a trigger happens, and I plunge back into it all over again. The maze gets bigger and bigger, and I can never remember the way out.” Jane is starting to cry as she realizes how trapped she has been feeling.
” You’re doing well, Jane. That’s all you needed to do for today. Just acknowledging that it’s been difficult to be constantly dragged back into the loop. Just that acknowledgment will help you find some appreciation for yourself. And help you continue finding pearls to add into your collection of wisdom. Remember the 3 realities of life? What are they? ” Beth asks.
” Pain. Uncertainty. And Work. We will always have to work through our shadow.” Jane recites to Beth, like a kindergarten child would.
” you got it, Jane. You got it ”