His hands were shaking after he put down the phone.
Marianne was feeding the cats and Gideon walked over to the sofa with a dazed look in his eyes.
“Baby, what do you want for dinner tonight?” Marianne asks.
Gideon doesn’t say anything, but slowly looks up at her.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Marianne asks. She doesn’t recognize this look on his face. Is it shock? Or fear? She couldn’t tell.
“Chaos just called….Jane. She….she committed suicide.”
Silence in the air.
And then peanut tries to leap onto a stool but falls and makes a big noise.
The two of them look at Peanut and he thinks it’s because he’s in trouble again.
Then they look at each other, and Marianne swallows a big gulp of saliva down her throat.
Finally, after what seems like a long ticking minute of loud silent ringing in the hair……
“This is my fault. We killed her.” Marianne says, as clutches Gideon’s hand onto her lap.
Almost instantly, Gideon pulls his hand away from her abruptly, stands up in their living room.
The living room always seemed spacious enough, for them and all of their cats. Now, the air seemed too stale, and something was choking up inside of his throat. He couldn’t stand the bile rising up, his head suddenly felt too giddy.
“I’m going for a walk,” Gideon tells his wife who is 3 months pregnant.
He puts his arms into the sleeves of his jacket, and for a brief moment a memory flashes across his mind.
Jane wearing the same exact jacket, her walking slowly in the boots she brought when she first came to visit him in the US.
That was the trip he had proposed to her. That was the trip he had promised her the world.
And now, Jane is dead.