I started this year being really traumatised.
I was haunted by the memories I had with my ex-husband, confronted with the truth that he never loved me, and only married me because of his narcissistic tendencies. It explained all of his behaviour towards me before, during, and after our marriage.
I don’t know how I got through the entire relationship. And I don’t know how his ex girlfriends retained their sanity after dating him. It’s funny because the person he ended up with shows exactly the kind of person he is.
After Marianne brought me to court, in a feeble attempt to victimise herself, I thought about the lesson I needed to learn from the entire affair.
The easiest thing to do would be to do what Marianne did. Compile over 300 pages worth of “evidence” to try and prove to court she did nothing wrong and that the whole world conspired to do ill to her. I don’t remember the name of the judges who helped us in our court mediation, but I will forever be grateful for how they dealt with Marianne for me. It was painfully obvious that both of them were appalled with marianne’s audacity to paint herself as the victim. And I don’t understand how she smiled through the shame and embarrassment. Her manupulative actions were truly terrifying to witness. No wonder Gideon is so controlled by her. She’s a mistress of manipulation. And I will never be manipulated by her again.
For someone with such deep insecurities and a weak sense of self, the easy thing would be to blame other people for shit she did to herself. Never mind that Gideon wasn’t even the first married man she dated. Never mind that she betrayed her friend in court by naming her and her entire family, Marianne is a great example of who I never want to become. And I’ve gone to great lengths to try and weed out all of the toxicity she tried to spread to me.
I have to admit, the anger she gave me helped give birth to Jane 2.0. The anger she helped me feeeeeeel……and own has ignited a deep source of strength that is ancient and powerful. In truth, the encounter I had with Marianne was necessary in order for me to awaken to my destiny. I had been begging for this awakening my entire life. I had felt so lost. And I wanted so much to know myself.
I do now.
I had never met anyone like her before. Anyone so weak and easily affected by her inability to detach her worth from how others treat her. I dont know her life, but it sounds like she was mistreated and unloved, and her reaction was to manifest hatred instead of love within herself. When you choose hate, you choose weakness. Her weakness is like a virus, and it’s infecting many people in this virus-ridden world. Sometimes, I think that humanity IS the virus upon our earth, and all the calamities that happen are the consequences of our selfishness and greed.
If 2022 taught me anything, it is that mankind is incredibly suffocating as a species and even after hundreds of thousands of years, Homo sapiens have not learned to live in harmony with the rest of earth, not even with each other. Even after so trials and tribulations, our species has remained so unconscious and so dumb witted. We didn’t learn from our mistakes, and we are moving backwards instead of forwards. The polarising effects are scary. But if you don’t fear death, you don’t fear living. If you fear death, you also fear living
We hang on to material things of this world and forget that the beginning and end of this existence will affect where our souls go to after this life.
We put money on a pedestal and use God and religion to justify greed and war. And we treat women like objects and prisoners.
I don’t have hope for the dystopian future.
I have a clearer understanding now, that the soul is ever lasting, and this existence on earth is only temporary.
We were meant to learn some lessons on this earth. And the life here was meant to help us experience life as a human being. The point is to experience as much as possible. Both the positive and negative. Because they fall on the same spectrum. So does love and hate.
We weren’t meant to remember where our souls came from or know where we are going after, because we’re meant to live in this present reality.
In 2023, I am living life as Jane 2.0. Here on out, I have my guides and ancestors standing strong by me.
Gone are the days where I give more than a morsel of a shit to people and things that don’t matter in my path moving forward.
I aim to help other souls on their earthly paths. I aim to hold space for people who deserve my love. I aim to do my part as humanity tries to evolve as much as possible so that at least some of us manage to beat the coming final death.
I am not just Jane. I am of Jinger, Jana, and Jeremiah. I am a unity of trinity.
And I don’t stand alone. We are of many. And we are strong. I aim to find my people even more. And together, we will fit together like puzzle pieces, merging greater into a bright beam of light so that some of humanity can be saved. Saved from our own foolish devices. So that hopefully, we can avoid becoming like Maldek – the impoded planet.