I Could Never Hate Him – Part 3

In preparation for an article I was writing, I had interviewed 9 divorced women – each with their own tale to tell. While writing the article, I thought of every single one of them and would hold them in my thoughts while I grieved for them. This is a series of fictional stories, inspired by their lives and strength.

Any resemblance to real persons or other real-life entities is purely coincidental. All characters and other entities appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, dead or alive, or other real-life entities, past or present, is purely coincidental.

5 years before

Bee Leng sits motionless on a bench in the park, her eyes gazing deeply into the distance.

“Why?” is the question her mind has settled on, refusing to let go of it.

She has just walked out of her living room, leaving her daughter screaming at Paul. Her mind registers the existence of Coco but it feels so foreign…..so intrusive. Who is this darkened shadow and why is she invading her family?

“How can he do this? I could never even think of something like that….”

“Does this mean our marriage is over?”

“Does this mean he doesn’t love me?”

“When did he stop loving me? His behaviour hasn’t changed that much over the last few months…. Has he just been pretending? Or….. Has he never loved me before?”

These questions plummet her to the ground, and when she tries to push them out of her mind, they come back stronger and more intensively. No matter how much she tries to come up for air, the questions drown her in agony. But one question reigns supreme.

“Why?”

Has she been such a terrible wife all these years that she deserved this? What did she do wrong? And how could she fix this?

Before long, Bee Leng notices that the sky has turned dark. She trudges along the familiar path and arrives back home.

“Mummy!” Sarah rushes towards her as she opens the front door.

“You’re still here dear. Where is your father?” Bee Leng asked, not sure why she even cared.

“Don’t worry about him mum, let’s just take care of you first. Come, I made you soup.”

Bee Leng has no appetite at all but can’t bring herself to reject her daughter so she put a spoon to her lips. With every scoop of soup, she feels more nauseated than the last. Finally, she stops trying and turns to Sarah, tears flowing down her face.

“I’m sorry sayang. I can’t eat anymore. I’m so tired. I just want to sleep. Is that okay?” She says in between sobs.

Sarah’s heart is breaking into pieces. She has never seen her mother so upset before. She feels anger rising up in her throat but swallows it, choosing to focus on her mum first.

As her head touched the pillow, Bee Leng felt her eyes puff up in tears. She couldn’t stop them from flowing. “Stop….please…..” She begs her mind to stop replaying the scenes over and over again.

“I’m leaving you…… Now seeing her, I understand why……. Your mum and I are splitting up….” The agony and the pain in her chest were beating loudly to the rhythm of her heart. It felt like someone squeezing her heart and pumping it – only this person wasn’t trying to keep her alive but torture her for jokes.

“Please….. Make it stop” Bee Leng lets out a soft croak in desperation.

After a long period of agony, Bee Leng falls asleep, and for those precious few hours, there are no tears.