An alternate universe

September 2020

“Hey, why did you lie to Marianne and paint me as the bad guy again? It’s not true that I want you back, you know that. So why would you tell her that I’m talking to you because I can’t get over you?” I message Gideon

In this alternate universe, Gideon is brave and has come to accept his mistakes. He realises that he has to start owning to his actions and not constantly blame others for his wrongdoing.

“I’m really sorry. It was just easier to lie. I know that we’ve been talking so we can get closure. I’ll let Marianne know” Gideon replies.

I don’t have much faith in his words as he’s been a compulsive liar since the day we met. But I give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Hey Jane, Gideon just told me everything and I’m really sorry that I ever said those things to you. I never intended to hurt you although I see how my words were really insensitive. I’m just dealing alot of insecurity now. And Gideon constantly lying to me isn’t helping. ” Marianne sends me a message later.

“I’m sorry you’re in this situation. But if you really love each other, you can fix this. I just want Gideon to be happy honestly, I know that I need more time to heal and move on properly so it’s best that we don’t stay in contact, but I was so angry that he just basically threw me under the bus for everything. He told my parents that I went against his wishes to quit my job. He told his friends that I’m a gold digger. He told you that we were already six months separated when you first met. He told Aaron that I asked him for alimony and couldn’t pay him his money back. When is Gideon going to stop lying? “

“yeah I’ve gotten to know him better the last few months and as much as I love him, I’m also really tired of his lying. I wouldn’t have minded the two of you talking really, I just can’t stand lying!” Marianne tells me.

We have a nice conversation about life and wish each other well.

December 2020

“Hey Jane, I really need to get our divorce settled soon, are you able to find a notary where you are? Marianne and I want to get married ASAP.” Gideon asks me.

“Congratulations! Yes I’ll get it done no worries! Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?” I ask him

“yeah… About the house rental. Do you mind splitting the rental income with me for next year? I know that I said you could have the rental income. But that was for 2020. Next year, I think it’s fair if we split it. What do you think?” Gideon asks nicely.

“oh…. Sure. In that case let’s adjust the amount for the divorce settlement. You see, when you first asked me to name a price, I took the rental income as part of the settlement money, so now, I would have to ask for more. I basically just want what’s rightfully mine which is half of the profits were you to sell the house.” I tell Gideon.

“sure! I’m glad I spoke with you. Thanks Jane, and enjoy your stay back in Singapore!”

In the present reality

Things are much more complicated.

People have been hurt. People have been reactive. People want revenge. People want justice. People want money. People want love.

How did things get this way?

Why couldn’t we have solved things better through healthy communication?

The minute Gideon was caught lying, he ran. He ran and didn’t apologize, didn’t try to make amends for lying to so many people. All he said was “leave me alone, you should move on, and you’re harassing me”

He made that choice to run.

Without honesty and vulnerability, there will only be more lying, more hurting, and more running away from things.

The sooner we face our mistakes and take responsibility for our actions, the sooner we feel lighter, and the sooner we feel free.

Why don’t we choose to be vulnerable? Why doesn’t Gideon feel safe to admit to his mistakes? Is it because he doesn’t feel people will accept him for his past mistakes? Is it because there were never healthy boundaries taught to him from young? Who would ever know?

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