This is a piece of autobiographical fiction. Space and time have been rearranged to suit the convenience of the book, and with the exception of public figures, any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. The opinions expressed are those of the characters and should not be confused with the author’s.
This story is written as an example to anyone who wants to believe that we are more than the patriarchy deems us to be, more than our limitations, and more than our fears.
12th August 2021 – Croatia
“you fucked up your own relationship“
“wow no wonder it didn’t work for you“
Unnecessary personal attacks from Marianne inspired me to think a lot about how our actions can lead to consequences. Sometimes, we don’t deserve them – other times we do.
In this world, there is never going to be an absolute divide between what’s right and wrong. There will be Gideons and Mariannes all over the world who will never understand how people on the ‘other side’ think and why. In their world, they are the victims. In their world, they have been wronged. In their world, they have been wrongly accused of. Who is to say if they are right or wrong? Does it matter to the rest of us?
Similarly, does what we think have to matter to them? Absolutely not. They wouldn’t for a second try to understand our point of view anyway. They have already proven they don’t even want to try.
But the real lesson I want to take from this is that life can throw you the most sour lemons but fresh lemonades taste bloody delicious once you combine these lemons with ice, soda and a little mint.
If you think about it it’s like – Hey! Free lemons! I guess we’re making lemonade today!
It also reminded me of lessons I’ve picked up throughout my travels over the last 1 year plus.
I’m very clumsy by nature. My parents, relatives, and anyone who has ever taken care of me can attest to this fact.
I have been falling down since I could walk. I don’t walk in a straight line, I’m always walking towards the right side of the path, I fall and get wounded A LOT.
I have many scars on my body because of that but behind every one of them is a story. Behind every one of them is a memory. I like to think of them as the tattoos left on my body by the stories behind them.
The injury from the first picture on the left was from a heat pack that I left on my skin overnight. You might think that a heat pack is harmless but I assure you it’s not.
My arm had been very sore from all the manual labor I was doing in Leicester and I put a heat pack on it before bed. I even bandaged it to my arm so it wouldn’t fall off. In the morning when I unwrapped the bandage, the heat pack had left a second-degree burn on my arm. I didn’t read the instruction manual that came with it. It clearly stated NOT to put the heat pack directly in contact with the skin.
Over time however, it healed and now I have a story to tell whenever people ask me about it.
A few days ago when a bunch of us went to the coast, I wasn’t being careful. I got overly excited and dived into the sea – what I didn’t notice was a protruding pile of rocks right where I was diving into.
The water in Croatia is so clear there was no other excuse except to admit that I’m a klutz and very injury-prone.
I felt so dumb.
When I showed Marco my wound however, he said “Oh that’s going to be a very sexy scar.” One wound – two perspectives.
The hurt that people inflict upon us will inevitably cause us pain too. It’s never useful to pretend the wounds don’t hurt – especially if they keep jabbing you where the injuries are still fresh. Of course it’s going to hurt. The scab has barely formed.
What we can do however, is to step back and protect ourselves. To put a bandage on our wounds and protect them – so they can heal properly.
Eventually, all wounds when healed, will become scars – each one with their own story.
I for one, am very proud to wear all of my scars out on my body. I am proud of them. I’m not ashamed of my wounds. I’m not ashamed of my mistakes in life. My life is still so full of possibilities. I have so much to look forward to in life. Why would I be ashamed of mistakes I’ve made? They’ve only made me stronger as a person.
The greatest enemy you can ever have is yourself because you cannot avoid your enemy every time you look into the mirror. The mirror doesn’t lie – it will only show us what the truth is. Question is – Can we handle it?
If we cannot forgive ourselves, love cannot enter our hearts.
When we’re unable to love ourselves, no amount of love from anyone else can reach us.