This is a piece of autobiographical fiction. Space and time have been rearranged to suit the convenience of the book, and with the exception of public figures, any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. The opinions expressed are those of the characters and should not be confused with the author’s.
This story is written as an example to anyone who wants to believe that we are more than the patriarchy deems us to be, more than our limitations, and more than our fears.
29th September, 2020
After I exposed Gideon of his lies, he turned things around to blame me instead.
For the last 9 months, he had been conversing with me just fine. I didn’t know that he had kept our communication a secret with Marianne. I didn’t know.
She’s angry with me because I told her the truth. She thinks that I want to separate them. I’m not. I know I’m not.
I know that Gideon and I were already not doing well together. I know that it’s better that we part. But I’m still healing from the pain. I’m just trying to figure out what went wrong with our marriage. With my life. I need to know so that I don’t continue dating the wrong people. I need to figure things out so that this doesn’t happen again. I don’t want to keep marrying the wrong people.
I get that she’s angry because I’ve been talking to her fiance, but they never told me I couldn’t talk to Gideon. Neither of them ever told me to stop contacting him at this point. So why did he push the blame onto me? And even after finding out that Gideon had lied to her, why did she come and attack me instead?
Message from Marianne:
” Sometimes you come across as so mental – saying one thing but doing another. If your intentions had been good and you truly saw me as Gideon’s partner, you would have said hey Gideon is hiding some serious things from you, confront him about it. You should not feed me with your gross details and hurt me further. Because I don’t believe that’s what you would do for a friend.
My advice to you, as a good person is to let all of this go. If you are indeed as good a person as you think you are, let Gideon find his own happiness without you around. Even if we don’t work out, his happiness doesn’t lie with you and yours doesn’t with him. Will you ever see that or will you keep spending precious days, weeks, months or years trying to figure out what went wrong? Even if I wasn’t around, do you think Gideon has any more answers for you?
If you’re going to mean anything about what you’ve been harping on in public about how free and happy you are, then go and find your happiness and let us fix this mess. You may think I’m saying this to hurt but that isn’t the case. I’m just being 100% honest and blunt because I think you need a real wakeup call. ”
I send this to a good friend because I really need some clarity. Amidst all the unnecessary personal attacks, I do feel that somehow Marianne is right. I ask Birdy – “Was I wrong to have told her?”
Birdy replies ” A friend??? Why does she think you’re friends???? Is she delusional. Which friend would post a photo of her being engaged to HER FRIEND’S HUSBAND?! Didn’t she also cry infront of your parents saying that marriage is sacred. Why didn’t she come and tell you that Gideon was seeing her too? She’s being so hypocritical.
Also, why do you need to tell her anything at all? You don’t owe her anything babe.
Your healing journey is yours and yours alone. Gideon is at fault here. He lied to you both. He strung you both around. She’s only forgiving him because she needs his love. But she doesn’t need you, so she would rather channel all of her anger towards you instead.
And how in the world can this woman be so insensitive??? Ask her to take her unsolicited advice and shove it up her big mouth. No one needs her around. In the first place, this isn’t about her.
Just focus on your healing babe, ignore her. Also, block her off everything and don’t ever reply her again.”
I know that I should listen to Birdy but I reply Marianne anyway.
“You’re right Marianne….you are. I really do feel that I can move on now. So i’m gonna take your advice and be real with myself. I really feel free now and I’m thankful Gideon for giving me closure. I’m sorry the truth hurt you so much, i never intended for it to cause rift between you two. It was my fault to think I could speak candidly with you. But we both know that’s not going to happen. Getting over a marriage takes longer than 9 months. If it could take me a shorter time, it means I wasn’t invested, which I was. Even if Gideon wasn’t. I’m really sorry you have so much anger towards me and so much hurt.
I won’t say I’m completely healed yet but I’m really proud of myself for having come this far. I’m finally happy again.
Yes, the things I said might have contradicted myself but I acknowledge that it’s all part of my healing process. Thoughts were not as clear in the past. They are to me now and I’m happy. I understand why you have to come for me – you’re dealing with alot. So i wish you all the best in your process of healing too. It will take time. But know that I don’t hold anything against you or Gideon. I wish you guys nothing but happiness. Take care! ”
“Again with the self-righteousness, assuming you know how I feel. I’m not dealing with alot Jane.”
I block her and cry myself to sleep.