31st December, 2019
I have the best friends.
Over the last few days, they have taken turns to accompany me.
When they first met me, I couldn’t compose myself. All I could do was cry. My world was falling apart, and they could do nothing else to help but just be around to keep my mind off things.
We went out to bars, sang karaoke for 3 hours in a row, they fed me with food and made sure I didn’t die of alcohol poisoning.
Today, we are all going out to celebrate NYE. But not before I have to meet Gideon for dinner.
We had already planned to have this dinner with our friends two weeks ago, and I asked if he was still okay to go for it. “Yeah, this will be the last dinner we have with them as a couple, so sure why not.”
Our friends have 3 beautiful daughters who each have their own personalities. The eldest one loves to dance and sing, the second one is the sassiest and the youngest is just full of pure joy and always loves eating. Just a few weeks ago, our two families had gone to KL together and spend a holiday together. The youngest one loved riding on Gideon’s shoulders and the second one would always run into our arms whenever we met.
Just before we went upstairs for dinner, Gideon and I met and sat down on a bench.
I see that he has cut his hair. He’s wearing a white t-shirt and his hat, and he places a box of cigarettes and a brand new wallet in front of him, between us. He wants me to notice the new wallet – probably a gift from Marianne.
“Just to be clear, us going to the US together is not a chance for us to work things out. We’re over. Things are over between you and me.” He said, without any sign of remorse for his actions at all.
“Okay, I hear you and really, I’m just going because I want to go to the Mexico. Plus, we need to bring our cats there together. If I don’t go, one of the cats will be left behind.”
I half-lie to him. In my heart, I knew that we were over. But I wanted to go to investigate.
The way that he was acting so casual about leaving our marriage was incredibly suspicious to me. Who was he? Who was this man I married? I didn’t tell him, but I went to the US so I could let him show me more of who he really is.
Throughout dinner, I couldn’t concentrate. I barely ate and of course my friend noticed that something was wrong.
I made some excuses to leave earlier, and later found out that Gideon spent NYE with Marianne and some of her friends. On her instagram, she also posted a photo of them in OUR house. In my marital home.
While I was away, he had brought her back to our house.
Later on, when I asked him if they had slept on our marital bed, he said, “No of course not, that would be disrespectful. We slept together on the couch.”
I had no words. I just stared blankly at him and asked myself over and over again, “How did you let yourself marry this man, Jane?”