This is a piece of autobiographical fiction. Space and time have been rearranged to suit the convenience of the book, and with the exception of public figures, any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. The opinions expressed are those of the characters and should not be confused with the author’s.

This story is written as an example to anyone who wants to believe that we are more than the patriarchy deems us to be, more than our limitations, and more than our fears.

11th of August 2021

Marco and I had a good day at the beach yesterday.

I had a mini meltdown because of the trigger. I got badly triggered by Marianne’s email. She sent that to hurt me, and no matter what anyone else might say. You can’t will for something not to hurt you. If it hurts, it hurts.

Marco and I had gotten into a stupid quarrel, and amidst the fight, I broke down. I started crying. Even though it was just a silly email, it bothered me so much. It triggered all of the unhappy memories I had from before. After crying however, I felt much better.

Marco cooked me dinner, we watched the sunset together and I had a good sleep.

When I woke up in the morning, I saw that Marianne had emailed me again.

” Before you draft a lengthy reply on how you’re such a good and kind person and that we are “people in pain” LOL, I suggest you read all of this because if you don’t and you do something silly again and then cry wolf when you have to suffer the legal consequences, that we didn’t inform you beforehand. Don’t worry about anything else related to the house. Cancel everything you deem necessary you don’t even have to inform us of it.

Let’s take a look at the big picture. You didn’t want the marriage, and you’re sore that he chose someone else over you after you fucked up your own relationship. And in multiple bids to restore your broken ego, you go on a sad 1.5 year long rampage defaming him and calling me names so you look like the innocent saintly victim. But let me tell you this one last time. Go be kind or a saint elsewhere. You aren’t wanted here in this space. 

It’s quite clear for everyone and for us to see what’s really going on and how people are mocking your public posts lol sometimes it’s like you have a dual personality. To your public audience you act like the poor scorned ex wife who is free from all this but behind closed doors you’re still gripping at loose ends. Sometimes i look at all of this behaviour and i think “wow no wonder it didn’t work for you”. So let’s not forget your role in all of this and your contribution to your failures. 

The saying goes happy people don’t have to say they’re happy. You wanna say that we traumatized you LOL go ahead. You don’t get to harass us constantly while we sit here and receive your private blows and look like an angel to everyone else. I dare you to take a screenshot of this to show your little world the real truth. 

We don’t owe you anything. You are no one to us and we do not have to be kind to you especially when all you do is harass us. We do not want you as a friend, we do not want you in our lives, we have said this more than ten times now. Idk how to make it clearer to you…. stop trying to analyse us because it’s really pathetic and stop trying to analyse why his behaviour “changed”. He did it only to have a smooth divorce. Now that the divorce is done so is he! Guess what? If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it is a fucking duck. End of story. 

Get that into your thick skull honey. Empty vessels make the most noise. Not everything is about you my dear child. Take a real good look in the mirror and stop acting like someone you’re not. At least we don’t pretend to be something we’re not. 

Yes i am being a bitch (or call me whatever name you want) i do not deny that but our past 9 months of silence while you defame him has already been a kindness to you, the poor ex who is healing from a marriage she didn’t want in the first place. Go figure. Our first move after this email will be to file a police report- not that you would get into any trouble so don’t worry yet, but so that we have an official record of what’s been happening. Also hold your dramatic horses because this isn’t a threat- we’re genuinely emotionally tired of constantly hearing from you and we aren’t public like you because honestly no one gives a real shit so this is our only recourse.

Our advice to you is to actually move on with some grace, composure and whatever dignity you have left. Handle your guilt for your failure in a better more constructive way and do something real with your life. This chapter is over so close it. Thanks and have a good life! 

Regards

Gideon & Marianne “

Again. I sent to it a friend of mine and asked her, “I guess Marianne doesn’t like that I’m processing my healing through my blog. I think maybe I should stop writing.”

“Jane. You can’t give into fear. You yourself said that. She just doesn’t want you to email them anymore, so don’t. Let a lawyer or someone else handle the house issues. You focus on your healing and you ignore them, you hear me? If you’re really ‘nothing’ to them, why would your blog or emails affect them so much? Plus, what did you do that was so wrong? I’ve read all the emails you send to him. You have only been communicating about the house and divorce stuff. Instead, every single change he has, he would use words to trigger you into a reaction. Narcissistic people all do this because they live off the ‘highs’ they get from triggering you. They love it when they anger it. They need it to feel SOMETHING because most times they feel NOTHING. You were stupid enough to fall for it. I love you but you were dumb. Never again, you hear me? Clearly, Gideon is still wrecked with guilt over what he did to you, and Marianne is too insecure that she can’t stand you. It’s not even about you. Anything you do or say – she’s going to hate. Look at the truth, look at the facts. You’re the wife that her current husband had to leave in order for Marianne to believe that she is loved. She needs you to feel miserable so that her happiness is justified.”

Promise me, you will ignore them. Okay?”

My voice croaked but I said, “okay”. I’m a lucky girl to have friends like that. Who knows what I’d do without them.