riding high on a low

coming out of a bubble has its perks

but it also brings down the walls of my mind

i’m no longer protected by lies that i fed myself

im now confronted daily with the truth

truth of my own weakness to allow past insecurities

to manifest into trusting someone completely vicious

i always thought he was just weak and needed me

needed my love and my strength

when in reality, he’d been pulling the strings like a puppeteer

finding my fears and using them against me

i gave up everything for him

but what was ‘everything’ when i didn’t even want any of it?

was it my ‘everything’ or just what I thought was all I was capable of achieving?

i hadn’t yet believed that the strength was always inside me

the same one others see, and yet i never recognised

now i see, that he walked into my life

to show me just how delusional i used to be

i needed him to tear my world down

so that i could go find my reality

i’ve sat with my pain for so long

that i didn’t even recognise it as a stranger anymore

she became like an ex classmate

someone who knew you since way back when

but not really relevant to your life anymore

im reveling in this new high of feeling low

because i know it will only transform me further

one who becomes even more self-aware

and will continue eliminating my ego

i don’t yet feel grateful

but i know i am alive, and full of reasons to celebrate for

and this pain i feel will eventually be channeled into something

greater than myself

Till then, i’m trusting the process

2 thoughts on “riding high on a low

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