Heart made of glass, mind of stone

When we first meet people, it’s common to start putting them in boxes.

So we can know what to expect of them. So we can know how to behave infront of them. So we can protect ourselves against them.

What do you do for a living?

Where do you live?

When was your last relationship?

Why did that broke apart?

What do you want out of me?

Our minds are so powerful.

They have the audacity to prison you, but also the generosity to liberate you. They have the strength to cripple you, but also the kindness to comfort you.

My heart might be broken and at times completely traumatised. But my mind is not.

My mind is clear.

It’s not that I don’t have swaying thoughts. It’s not that I don’t second guess myself on decisions I make.

But I choose to select the thoughts like I select my outfit of the day. And when we actively sieve out thoughts we don’t want, we actively select the kind of person we become. I choose not to become bitter even when bitter is what you feed me.

The last 2 days have been a complete roller coaster. Just a few nasty words from someone I once gave so much love to, tore me down completely. I was in a beautiful place, filled with beautiful energy. But it was like I carried my own personal dark cloud around. Nothing could cheer me up. A full day felt like a year. Because those few words took me back through the full year I spent last year, piecing myself back together slowly.

But I needed to let myself grieve. I took myself out for a long walk, and observed my thoughts. I didn’t want to stop them. Or deny them. I just wanted them to be expressed. To me.

And just when I started feeling alone.

Hundreds of messages poured in. Thousands of people stood in spirit with me. So many of you have sent me your stories, and shared with me your pain. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

One of my closest friend checked in because she knew I was hurting. I don’t know how she knew but she just did. And just like that, with a text hug I didn’t know I needed, my sadness flowed freely through my tears. I let my heart be broken.

Jane, people in the world are dying. People everywhere are suffering. You don’t have a right to be sad. You don’t have a reason to feel down

I had to abolish that thought. Because that’s when we don’t acknowledge our own right.

No one’s suffering is greater than another. Because there’s no need to compare.

We are all a work in progress.

We are all just trying to lead better lives.

We all just want to be respected.

We all just want to be properly loved.

I write this moment down. Because I want to let go of it. Its not 1 step forward 2 steps back. Its just becoming more self aware of why some things matter, and more things don’t.

I dedicate today to everyone healing from something. A healing process can be beautiful when you mark down moments that were turning points. When you can pinpoint exact periods of your life where you saw growth in yourself.

It’s beautiful when you can almost hear your mind expanding, your heart growing.

12 thoughts on “Heart made of glass, mind of stone

  1. Hi Jane, life is beautiful and precious isn’t it? I observed that more people are doing the same thing, giving up the money chase and found new purpose in life. I left my job 7 years ago too. Would love to get to know people on the same page, sharing the joy and positivity. Email me if you are keen to make a friend from the other side of the world you once called home.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi Jane,
    Reading your post makes me think of my daughter who is a year+ older than you.
    She is a very independent lady. During her 2 year uni in Netherlands from 2017-2019, she had traveled almost all of Europe either with her school friends or mostly on her own esp before we flew over for her graduation, she traveled alone to many parts of Europe. After her graduation, she embark on her 2nd leg of the tour with us from Netherlands to France and Morocco on backpack (as me and my wife think is better to accompany her as we think is quite unsafe for her to travel alone to Morocco). She had her mind set to work overseas but not back home…😶. We are prepared for this day to come.
    What I have read from your post really let me have a piece of mind.
    🤞. She is eyeing when the pandemic is over or 1.5 year later as she still have bond to clear with the coy she is working before the next move.
    Your Inspiring journey makes me think 🤔 again when will I be able to go travelling around the world when I retire 😅😊.
    Anyway, stay safe, stay healthy. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awesome!! She sounds like shes enjoying herself. And kudos to you as parents for giving your blessings I’m sure she appreciates thay very much.

      Enjoy your life! And hang in there. We’re nearly to the point where travel is back again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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