Towards the end

It’s the little things

You remember in the end

Laughing so hard with each other till you have to wipe tears off, falling asleep together and waking up next to you. Watching Rupaul’s and making peanut dance to the beat. Drinking coffee on the white couch that coco destroyed within a few months.

Cooking breakfast for each other on weekends, going for runs on coney island, for walks in East Coast Park and munching on chicken wings while watching the sunset from the jetty. You singing “can’t help falling in love” to help me fall asleep. Us going snowboarding together at the beginning and the end. Feeling so proud of you when we watched you during NPD and the airshow. Countless of times where we would hold each other, helplessly, cluelessly, not knowing why we were together or how we should be together.

Remembering every hug that made us feel loved, every kiss that made me feel special. Saying goodbye to the feeling that all of this would last forever. Saying goodbye to the naivety that love is enough, and that love is about taking, not giving. Saying goodbye to the dreams we had together.

Looking back at our photos, I remember how deeply the love felt. Was it real? 100%. Does it exist still? Perhaps in a different way. It persists in my memories, where I want to preserve the best parts of us.

Like 2 forces that are not meant to be, we pushed against all odds to try to be together. We married our families, our friends and what society thought we should be. And finally, what pulses through all of us, this natural energy, is what has made us part ways.

When we give love, the love has been given. Freely, and unconditionally. Its frozen in time, in our memories, and we need only visit it from time to time to say hello and goodbye to an old friend.

There are no apologies in a goodbye, no forgivings, no more anger. Only wish you wells, and good hopes for you.

Only a Thank you for all the love we shared before.

It’s coming to an end – a bitter sweet ending. And I hope nothing but the best for you. Closing this chapter in our lives feels timely, and right. Here’s to the blank pages, filled with possibilities and unknowns. Here’s to living better lives, becoming better lovers. Here’s to healing the broken parts of ourselves and loving deeper. Here’s to you, and I.

No regrets.

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