Why must we compare?

I met C years ago, maybe almost a decade ago. I don’t remember when or how. But I find it interesting that even though we have led different lives, I am sitting here nodding to everything he’s saying.

He’s opening up about leaving a corporate job he didn’t like, taking a calculated risk to explore his interests and eventually starting his own thing to share cool things with people in Singapore. I find his life really cool, especially since he teaches the Wim Hof method and I’ve always wanted to try it proper. Not just jumping into 2 Deg water in Albania and freezing my ass off until I can’t breathe.

I thoroughly enjoyed this episode on YX’s podcast and from miles away, I’m grateful to them for putting in effort, time and energy to do something different from other Singaporeans. Starting a podcast is tough and hard to earn money from. But here they are, like minded people sharing a good moment with each other, and also with us listeners. I take a moment to email YX to thank him and I send a message to C to say hi.

I reach out because I’ve come to a point in my life where I believe that faith in humanity comes from making connections and collaborations. Us humans have done alot worse to each other, to the earth and to nature. We haven’t exactly been the most evolved species and for a young animal species we sure haven’t done ourselves very proud. We are babies compared to bats, rats, whales, microorganisms and other way more evolved beings. And yet here we are, thinking we are the best. Here we are, deluding ourselves that we are such amazing and deserving things.

The best thing we can do as people is to realize the borders shouldn’t exist. That people are of ONE. That if we can somehow find it in our hearts to love more and share more, we can contribute more to each other and our generations after us.

This is why when I accidentally read a few comments left by fellow singaporeans I get immediately pulled back into the psyche of a “typical Singaporean”.

One person commented that “you should really interview bigger singaporeans who left… Who did bigger things”.

A sour taste immediately rose up to taste.

Why? I ponder over this. Why is that in Singapore, we have been conditioned to think we can put a value to everything?

Certain conversations remind me of how we even put a value to friendships and relationships…. As if we can rate who is more deserving of our time, and who isn’t.

How shallow we have become….how calculated we have become…..

Success definitely is important, and wanting to be excellent in an industry or a field is important. But we should never look down on those whom we deem “less successful” than others.

To me, if a person is living their best life, if a person has developed an individual taste, a way of thinking, if a person has risen to a maturity level where they know their worth…. That’s worth celebrating. They could still be on their way to better things. They could also be on their way down to a failure. Life is so full of challenges and surprises that we shouldn’t look at the past or present to dictate how “successful” a person is. Who we CHOOSE to be, matters more. And how we behave and treat people matters even more.

We don’t all have to be Jack Ma, Bill Gates or Joseph Schooling to be celebrated. We shouldn’t aspire to be them because we are us. We also shouldn’t live to impress anyone.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t strive for excellence, in anything we do. Of course we should!!! If we find passion in something, if we find drive in doing something, we should celebrate the fact that we have the means and resources to give it our all. But not once, should we compare a person to another. Because that’s when we become unwanted critics of other people, and unconsciously the worst critics of ourselves.

Wouldn’t it be much more encouraging if we all worked together? Wouldn’t it be more inspiring if we recognised that we all have different strengths and should use them and combine our resources to do greater things? The true value in humanity is the understanding that we work best, when we work together. To put others down, is only to push your own ego up.

I definitely recognise traits of who I used to be, in these online shamers. And I detest it. A part of me is ashamed to admit I was once like that. Judgmental, competitive and arrogant. I used to think I do things best on my own. But now I see that I alone, can never achieve the things I want in life. In anything I do in future, it’s important to recognise that I need, no, I want, to do it with others alongside me.

I know its not just Singaporeans who criticise each other way more than necessary. Having travelled around for a while, this mentality is pervasive in other communities too, usually in highly competitive environments. The good thing about Singaporeans though, is our ever eager attitudes to improve and do better. This is something I’m proud of. That we have ingrained in us a belief that we can always do more. So let’s do more. Say less. Love more. Critic less. Can anot?

2 thoughts on “Why must we compare?

  1. It’s so inspiring to read your blog! I’m 42, single and in a well paying job. But there’s something missing in my life. Happiness. Contentment. I’m too busy running around, rushing through meals, no time to appreciating the simple things in life. I wanna peel away from this society that has sky high expectations of us. But there’s so much fear. Fear to leave the comfort zone. Fear of not having a secure future. But reading your blog, omg, I am so inspired. I don’t know where this would take me but something tells me, there’s gonna be a change in my life. 🤩

    Liked by 1 person

    • I understand that fear!!!!

      Before I decided to leave sg, I was hesitant too. Someone then asked me this “when you had a secure life, did you feel happy?”

      “no”

      “your secure life ended up crumbling into pieces, and you’re still in the midst of figuring out life again. How do you feel now?”

      “happier than I’ve ever been”

      Chase happiness. Security is an illusion. ❤️

      Like

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