A change in season

It’s July now and Facebook reminds me of how 2 years ago I was in Sri Lanka for a month. Back then, the opportunity to slow travel for a month was so exciting and new to me. SeekSophie gave me such a gift when they picked me to explore Sri Lanka with them for a whole month. Before this trip I had never slow travelled before. I’d never gone on a trip where for the entire trip, the itinerary for the day was just to read, eat, walk and repeat.

July 2019 I’d planned a nice honeymoon for D and I to Sicily, Italy. And I remember meeting people who had quit their lives, moved to their versión of paradise and started small businesses there so they could enjoy their work/lives better. I always wondered why I didn’t consider that to be an option. But then I recall I’d been married to an airforce regular, and obviously, relocating to anywhere else would have had to wait till retirement.

It’s july 2020 and I feel like a different person altogether. I feel like the me I’ve been searching for is slowly inching her way up to surface. It almost feels like I’ve only been living life a certain way because I never dared to dream of an alternative version. I always did what I was told to, I stretched boundaries where I could. I tried to work within the parameters that I was given.

But now…. Now I’m in a completely different courtyard. Where limitations still exist, but in a much more flexible way. This July marks the 7th month of being on the road. Its not just the physical journey that I’m relishing, but the mental and emotional mountains I’m scaling that are challenging and rewarding.

Who knew that things would change so much in just a year?

Lately, my conundrums centre around how I want to live life. If I want to have kids in future? If I were to work, should I go into teaching? Should I do my masters? What about my parents? Will it be hard to find a community wherever I move to? When I start earning money, should I set aside a portion to give to the poorest? If yes, how much? (I’ve been reading alot about effective altruism and I’m very inclined to adopt its mantra)

Nietzsche said “He who has a why to live for, can bear with almost any how”

Recently my reading has brought me to think about letting life show me my purpose. Not asking what the meaning of life is, but asking what life needs of me to fulfil. I know that I have the heart to change things in the world, yet sometimes I feel so small that my actions would be invalid. Sometimes I think about teaching because educating the next generation is one way we can help change happen in the next lifetimes. Things are definitely not super clear to me yet, but “the suffering must happen”. I’m definitely not suffering, but I believe this period of self doubt is crucial in my yearn for growth.

I wonder where I’ll be in July 2021. But I’m ready for what life will ask of me. Next month, I’ll be leaving England finally. I’ll be in Portugal hopefully, and looking forward to the adventures there. Besos everyone x Hasta luego.

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