I don’t count this as starting over. A friend said to me that day “if you want to start moving on, you can’t keep writing about the past, write about your future”.
The near future I see myself in, is me trekking in the jungle of Borneo, looking for wild Orang Utans, spending 2 months in Brazil learning how to kite surf, practising my Spanish while I traipse across South America, and going on a culinary escapade through Asia. I want to take in all the hustle and bustle of the cities whose names I haven’t heard of before, and spend countless of hours on beaches watching sunsets.
I want to laugh with toothless elderly in Sri Lanka, and learn from the graceful Japanese how to make sake. I want to visit orphanages and social enterprises in third world countries, and be inspired by how they change their communities from the ground up. I want to help paint the child care centres that the women in Mexico are opening, so that they empower mothers by giving them time to go for further studies and work.
I want to eventually find places where I find special meaning in, and help start different businesses so that I can help make my mark there.
I feel like I’ve been trying to live a life that wasn’t entirely mine for the last 10 years. The fact that I lived it well doesn’t take away the feeling that I had what someone else wanted. I couldn’t feel accomplished because I was accomplishing what I didn’t necessarily want.
What do I want? That’s the big question isn’t it. Turning 28 is scary because I thought I would have had certain things by this time. And I did, for a few years. I had such a sure future ahead of me. And overnight, that was ruined. I don’t want to say that it wasn’t my dream life, because I feel like I could have been happy with that life too.
But I’m also choosing to see this as an opportunity to be carried with the tide. I’m allowing the events that have unfolded, completely out of my control, to finally put me out of control. I’m embracing this uncertain life, and feeling this excitement grow. That possibilities are abound, and that literally anything can happen.